Get Your Own Voice PlayerManage

Sign my Guestbook!

Read my Guestbook!

I Love Me Simply.

i
love me
i love me
not
because of
full hips
and thick lips
not because of
sweet words
not because of
brown eyes deep
i love me
because of me
i
love me
i love me
not because of you
or them
not because of
family or friends
not because of
selfish vanity
i just love me
simply
i love me
soft and sweet
poignant and fragrant
i love me
vibrant and beautiful
i love me
tender and delicate
like the petals of
my favorite flower
i love me
simply

Sign my Guestbook!

Read my Guestbook!

The Reconstruction of She.

naked
no longer hiding
exposed
spirit guiding
open
no longer closed

new
a revelation exposed
whole
nothing lacking
strong
fearfully
and wonderfully
remade




Sign my Guestbook!

Read my Guestbook!

Look for your Rainbow

I used to think that I had everything all figured out. I thought I knew what I wanted out of life. Who I wanted. How I wanted them. And when I wanted them. But in releasing my expectations into the hands of the Creator, I find myself much more satisfied; content. I can remember a time when I would exhaust myself trying to be on every set, doing what I thought was my best to be everything to everybody. I ended up drained and resentful; disappointed and discouraged. I got to a place of surrender after my house caught fire, one daughter was diagnosed with a heart condition, and the other with a thyroid condition. I lost a longtime friend, a job, and my home within a span of weeks. To say the very least, I was undone. Like most people, in the midst of turmoil, I cried out to God. I would use my car as my prayer closet; riding to quiet places where I could be alone and really speak to God. I thought he wasn't listening to me. Maybe it was me that wasn't listening to him. I was all but ready to give up and then one day while driving, I saw a rainbow. It was huge and it covered the sky revealing a spectacular array of beautiful pastels. It warmed me in a way that I can hardly explain. It was like the arms of God reaching down out of the sky and encompassing me; comforting me and quieting my anxious mind. I immediately let go of my problems and began to see them as windows of opportunity. I think now, "what if I hadn't LOOKED UP into the sky that day?" The rainbow reminded me that God is the author and finisher of all things. It brought back to memory promises that He has made to me about my life and the lives of my children. I am not done yet. It is NOT over. In fact, now that everything has been torn down, the rebuilding can begin. I am seeing him rebuilding and restoring. When everything is falling apart around us, it is hard to remember that God is still working. Everything is not always what it seems. God had to clear some things, some mindsets, even some people out of my life in order to give me the things for which I had been praying. I couldn't be mad about my house. I had asked him to take me from being a renter, to a home owner. Now the door is wide open for that to happen. I couldn't stress over the sickness in my children. I had asked him to make believers out of them as well. How else would they come to trust him, if they never had to lean on him for themselves? I asked God to teach me how to be a good friend and he challenged me in the friendship that I valued the most. I can't be mad. I asked him and yet I have no control over how he performs a thing. I can only pray that a rainbow will manifest itself even in that situation. I asked him to make me a business owner, and in the midst of this struggle he has opened a door for me to do exactly what I asked. How could I ever doubt? He is faithful.

The most I can hope for you today is that when everything around you seems to come crashing down, you will remember that sometimes what we are looking at is just an illusion.

Stop looking at the illusion, and look for the rainbow.


Sign my Guestbook!

Read my Guestbook!

Momma

Presidents’ Day to me is not about honoring the fathers of this great country. Yeah, sure, I can rattle their names off and detail their accomplishments; tell you what they did to help mold and shape America. But still, a day set aside for them; many of whom were slave owners that stood on the bloody backs of my ancestors, is something to which I pay very little attention. Instead, I regard that day as Black Monday. It will forever be remembered to me as the day my mother passed away. Six years and counting, but I can still remember each and every moment leading up to the last time I saw her in the land of the living. The good thing is, that after all this time, I don’t agonize over it the way I used to. Her memory comes back to me often just like a boomerang and her spirit lives on in me, my children and her friends. I choose to reminisce over times when she would take me to the lake as a little girl and we would “jook” until late into the evening listening to the Gap Band, Teddy Pendergrass and Rick James. We’d have crabs and barbecue and some of the best potato salad you ever tasted. Man, my momma sure could cook. There are times when I am in the kitchen cooking and I can hear her reminding me to “clean as you go.” I have never forgotten that advice or the tricks she taught me in preparing good food. Her spirit lives on in my heart as well as my kitchen. She would probably toss over in her grave if she knew that as a child, sometimes I would be listening at the walls late into the night while her and her boyfriend were getting busy. My cousin would spend the night with me sometimes just so we could eavesdrop and fantasize about what it was like to be grown. It was funny to me then, but now memories like that make me conscious of the presence of my own children. Eyes always watching, ears always listening, minds quickly scanning and processing all of the information placed before them. I can only be thankful for my time with her. I stand on her back now, the same way past presidents stood on the backs of weary slaves. Her life is my platform. Her memory, the podium from which I speak and her spirit is my well. Millions of people got the day off, slept late and didn’t think once about our country’s revered forefathers. I, on the other hand spent the day remembering, honoring, and missing the only mother I will ever get.



Sign my Guestbook!

Read my Guestbook!

Comatose

Life can make you so tired sometimes. Kids and work can make you so tired sometimes that you just want to give up. There have been days when the pressure of life has bore down on me so heavily that I just want to grab my purse and walk out of my home, closing the door behind me, never to return. I read this story once about a man that woke up from a 7 year coma. For SEVEN years, he lay sleeping while the rest of the world moved on. His family kept going, and the earth continued to revolve as he lay sleeping. I was jealous of him when I read how he just opened his eyes and asked for his wife. How lucky I felt he was to have been able to step away, put his life on pause, and then resume. Now I know this may seem silly to all, but unless you have ever known what it feels like to want to literally give up, you won't know what I mean. I started daydreaming about going to sleep. I didn't realize that was a spirit of suicide. Little did I know that my desire to give up, was inviting death to my dinner table. And see the funny thing about death is, once you dance with him, he begins to entice you. I started to feel like giving up was the only option I had. As me and death did the tango, he whispered to me, "Your kids will be okay." Maybe they didn't need me. Maybe they would be better off. I was doing my best to fight off this sleep, but my eyes were getting so heavy. Tired of seeing all that I was seeing. My feet were getting so heavy. Tired of walking up and down these rocky roads. My arms were getting so heavy. Tired of fighting. My spirit was uncooperative. Maybe I'll just sit down right here and drift off.....

I wrote this poem to God during my battle with depression. I am happy to say that I have overcome. Living is my only option.


Comatose

Lord put my flesh into a coma

So my soul can come to life

If my flesh would go to sleep

I’d be walking in the light

While my flesh was catching z’s

I’d move through my days with ease

Trouble all around me

But I’d be as calm as you please

Lord put my flesh into a coma

So my soul could take control

I’d be walking in the spirit

Watching my promise unfold

I would look right through temptation

As if it wasn’t there

I’d soar on high as an eagle

High up in the air

Lord put my flesh into a coma

Let my emotions slumber deep

I need my soul to do the leading

Cause I have a charge to keep

Put the fear in me to rest

So I can move without restriction

Take this anger out my chest

So my dreams will come into fruition

Lord put my flesh into a coma

Let my soul be wide awake

Be a lamp unto my pathway

Order every step I take

And while my flesh is in this state

Would you purge me of my sin

Would wash my hands and cleanse me

Give me new wine and new skin?

Lord put my flesh into a coma

I’m desperate for a shift

I need my flesh to sleep here soundly

Cause it’s my soul that needs a lift

You know every time I try to find my soul

My flesh gets in the way?

I know you all have been there before

You just might not want to say

But see I must be real about it

I got to always be me

I got to tell the truth about it

Cause the truth will set me free.





Sign my Guestbook!

Read my Guestbook!