Comatose

Life can make you so tired sometimes. Kids and work can make you so tired sometimes that you just want to give up. There have been days when the pressure of life has bore down on me so heavily that I just want to grab my purse and walk out of my home, closing the door behind me, never to return. I read this story once about a man that woke up from a 7 year coma. For SEVEN years, he lay sleeping while the rest of the world moved on. His family kept going, and the earth continued to revolve as he lay sleeping. I was jealous of him when I read how he just opened his eyes and asked for his wife. How lucky I felt he was to have been able to step away, put his life on pause, and then resume. Now I know this may seem silly to all, but unless you have ever known what it feels like to want to literally give up, you won't know what I mean. I started daydreaming about going to sleep. I didn't realize that was a spirit of suicide. Little did I know that my desire to give up, was inviting death to my dinner table. And see the funny thing about death is, once you dance with him, he begins to entice you. I started to feel like giving up was the only option I had. As me and death did the tango, he whispered to me, "Your kids will be okay." Maybe they didn't need me. Maybe they would be better off. I was doing my best to fight off this sleep, but my eyes were getting so heavy. Tired of seeing all that I was seeing. My feet were getting so heavy. Tired of walking up and down these rocky roads. My arms were getting so heavy. Tired of fighting. My spirit was uncooperative. Maybe I'll just sit down right here and drift off.....

I wrote this poem to God during my battle with depression. I am happy to say that I have overcome. Living is my only option.


Comatose

Lord put my flesh into a coma

So my soul can come to life

If my flesh would go to sleep

I’d be walking in the light

While my flesh was catching z’s

I’d move through my days with ease

Trouble all around me

But I’d be as calm as you please

Lord put my flesh into a coma

So my soul could take control

I’d be walking in the spirit

Watching my promise unfold

I would look right through temptation

As if it wasn’t there

I’d soar on high as an eagle

High up in the air

Lord put my flesh into a coma

Let my emotions slumber deep

I need my soul to do the leading

Cause I have a charge to keep

Put the fear in me to rest

So I can move without restriction

Take this anger out my chest

So my dreams will come into fruition

Lord put my flesh into a coma

Let my soul be wide awake

Be a lamp unto my pathway

Order every step I take

And while my flesh is in this state

Would you purge me of my sin

Would wash my hands and cleanse me

Give me new wine and new skin?

Lord put my flesh into a coma

I’m desperate for a shift

I need my flesh to sleep here soundly

Cause it’s my soul that needs a lift

You know every time I try to find my soul

My flesh gets in the way?

I know you all have been there before

You just might not want to say

But see I must be real about it

I got to always be me

I got to tell the truth about it

Cause the truth will set me free.





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