You Can't Move Forward Looking Back

Aida and I went to dinner tonight. Kinda like a waiting-to-exhale- moment. We both needed to inhale/exhale; breathe deep about situations and circumstances in our lives. Sitting in the cozy, relaxed atmosphere of Crush, sipping on some wine the color of a late summer sunset, we conversed, and vented and began to unwind and travel deeper into our friendship. It was clear to me after our first bowl of mussels, that we as women are more alike than we are willing to admit. I was finally able to share with her a part of my life that I had been surpressing for a long time. I do that when I don’t want to feel the sting of a particular situation. I push it down and get busy. Busy writing, busy working, busy being a mom. Anything to keep me from healing and dealing. She told me about Man; the thorn in her side. How she had loved him until it hurt and let him go because the time was not right. And even though she loves him still, she was adamant about pushing forward, bringing new love into her life without regret. We drank wine, listened to jazz music, and laughed like school girls over the silly things we have done in the name of love. My respect for her grew and after 2 years of cultivating a friendship, I was able to tell her all the details about the time I loved hard and blind. Re-living a time I wanted to forget proved to be more difficult than I had anticipated. I hadn't talked about it or him to anyone in months. It wasn’t easy letting someone into my soft spot. But I shared openly. Hell, a bottle of wine will make you give up your coochie, your ATM pin, email password, and your inner most secrets. It could have been that, or maybe it was that in discussing it, I was finally able to listen to myself for once. I heard me say I wasn’t loved totally. I heard me say that I was loved in secret and behind closed doors. I listened to myself clearly state, with much dismay, that I was wrong about something that felt so right. The benefit in doing this was coming to the realization that after years, months and days, I was finally at a point where I can say, I’m over it. There is no more anger. I learned the lesson and won’t have to take that class again. I like Aida a whole lot. She has read every self-help book known to man. The valuable resource I have in her is that I don’t have to read them because she is quick to provide quotes and anecdotes fit for any and all dilemmas. We were done eating and just relishing in the atmosphere when she dropped some of her book knowledge on me. “You can’t move forward looking back, Bridgette.” Even though I was a little dizzy from drinking so much wine, it made perfect sense to me. I had still been looking back wondering; Why this? Why that? The answers to those questions were irrelevant. What mattered most was that there is so much more for me that lies ahead. I was doing every person that has come my way since him a disservice because a part of me wasn't even ready to move. Anthony Robbins, world renowned self help guru, said it best when he said, " You can't drive a car if you are looking in the rear view mirror."





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