I met Redd eight years ago when I was still clubbing. My and my crew were out on a Sunday night doing our usual; walking around the club, profiling. I never really liked meeting men in the club. Something about it just didn't sit right with me. I guess I knew if I missed the following week, the same men would be in there shooting some other sista the same line of bullsh**. But on that particular night he caught my attention by grabbing my hand as we passed him by. A little chit chat and before I knew it, we had exchanged numbers. He ended up surprising me. He wasn't the thug I had pegged him to be and turned out to be quite intelligent. Score 10 for him because conversation is and always has been big with me. Since he was in the military and moved to another city shortly after we met, conversation over the phone and through emails has been the bulk of our existance. In between we have tried a relationship, but I am a firm believer that long distance love does not work. Besides, where I have evolved from the "scene", he seems to still be stuck somewhere between the nightclub and the stripclub. We do however continue to have a solid friendship that is strengthened by the fact that we can talk about anything. Politics, education, religion...you name it. I love that about him and a part of me may even love him. But it seems he gets his mental stimulation from me and fulfills his other needs elsewhere. I have email conversations between he and I that go back three years and as I was reviewing them today I realized that I have been his muse for far too long. He knows not to even try me with anything physical. I draw the line with stealing cookies out the cookie jar. But honestly, I think this mind sex we're having is much more detrimental. We debated about that today. I told him I feel like he engages me in conversation because there is a part of him that needs that stimulation just as much as I do, however, none of the sistas he deal with give him that. But the reality is a connection like we have; one not based on or driven by a sexual foundation, are few and far between. At the end of the day, what will sustain you? I am rethinking our little whatever you call it. Opening my mind to him without a plan or direction for where we are going, is just as detrimental as laying down and opening my legs. To me, both parts of me are just as precious. I'm asking myself is it worth my time. Eight years is nothing to shake a stick at. That's a lot of time wasted. And you know what they say, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
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