Journal Day 21, No strings attached.

Today started out like any other day. Nothing out of the ordinary or spectacular. It seemed I would breeze through this day with the ease of a professional gymnast. But not so. In rehearsal tonight for the play I'm in one of castmates fell on me during a pretty emotional scene. I was so stunned I just had to lay there for a minute. Practice came to a screeching halt and I'm sure the director was worried about a lawsuit. My arms are sore, my head is hurting. Tomorrow, I imagine, I will feel like I was in a car crash. He's a pretty big dude. Then afterwards, this dude I have been sort of dating/not dating comes to pick me up. Now earlier, I called him out. Chalk it up to female intuition or whatever, but I knew something was up. He had been acting strange for the past couple of days. Out of the blue I asked him," what's up with you, you got something to tell me?" For a minute, he was silent and then he fumbled over some lame ass excuse about having a lot on his mind. mmmhmmm....whatever nigga. I let it ride then, but when I got in the car after rehearsal, it was still on my heart to press harder. I said, "Are you going to hurt me?" I don't know where that came from. Well, yes I do. It was God. He isn't going to let me get too far into anything without letting me know what the deal is. So anyway, he takes a deep breath and hits me with..."so and so called me today, she's pregnant." Now so and so is his supposed to be ex that he claimed he didn't want to be with anymore. Yeah, right. She is also the reason we were dating and not dating. Feel me? I don't need no drama, I have enough of my own. So we had been taking it slow. A movie here and there, dinner a couple times. It still shocked me to hear, so I just sat motionless and in silence while we rode. Another one bites the dust. He tried to pitch a curve ball to me and tell me he didn't know what he was going to do. blah blah blah I slammed that ish out the park and was like what do you mean you don't know what you gonna do? The last thing our society needs is another single mother. I told him if he didn't go to her and at least try, I wouldn't have any respect for him. How would I look taking up time with a dude that will leave a woman high and dry that's having his baby? He would be dancing to her song and she would be pulling his strings from here on out. His heart strings, his emotional strings, his pocket strings. I'm like, bump that. As I got out the car, I told him don't even shut the engine off. I don't need their drama. "Handle your business." My man is going to come with no strings attached. I came inside and immediately deleted his number out of my phone. That's something me and Aida do religiously. When we know it's over with a dude, the first part of exiting his ass out of our system is to delete his number out of our phone. I ain't even mad. In fact, I am thankful because God knows exactly what and who I don't need in my life. And every day I am learning more about how to trust His judgment.
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